So I was doing my own thing (lying on my bed, being fanned by glorious ladies and having my muscular body massaged) when I came upon this gem on Instagram.
Apparently, there’s somebody out there by the name of Ben that’s impersonating Tan Chuan Jin. Ok, not my first choice personally, but maybe Ben thought that Tan Chuan Jin is the epitome of Asian manliness?
Enough so that he’d willingly use the guy’s pic instead of his own?
This begs the question…how ugly do you think you are, Ben?
Come on bro. Have some self confidence! You put somebody’s else face on Tinder and you get a match with a hot mama and what then?
Unless you got those Mission Impossible masks that Tom Cruise uses, she’ll know you’re not what you said you look like.
That’s a big nono right there Ben!
Or maybe you do look like Tan Chuan Jin.
Hell, Ben could even be Tan Chuan Jin working on some undercover expose or something! I don’t know but in an age where an orange man could be president, ANYTHING’s possible!
That did get me thinking though…perhaps Ben needs help finding other sexy MPs.
So I went to the Singapore Parliament website to take a look at my choices…and here are my picks, in no particular order with no bearing on political affiliation or leaning.
Ben, I hope to God you’re reading this. Take notes bro.
S. Iswaran
Hot damn is he smoking. That chiseled jawline, that smile! If I was a lady, I’d be all gooey right now! You know what the S. stands for don’t know? Sexy. Sexy Iswaran. You’d be sexy, Ben.
Here’s another sexy beast. Raaaaawr. Like a good chocolate bar, Darry David makes you want to keep on biting! There’s no better choice if you want to be a chick magnet Ben. Hell, I want to be Darryl David too! If you have tons of useless trivia, you can even tell them you learned all of them from the Pyramid Game!
To put it simply, Baey is bae. That lady killer smile, that fluffy hair do that whispers for you to run your fingers through his hair…He makes bald men suddenly long for luxorious manes like his! If Ben looks like Baey, ladies will want them to be their Baey-by for sure!
That rugged beard and those pearly whites are the key, Ben! Assume the mantle of Pritam and you’ll have so many matches on Tinder, you’d be able to start fires anywhere you want! He’s one of the only MPs with facial hair, so if you have some, all the better!
Here’s another bad boy you’d want to impersonate, Ben. That nonchalant gaze, the half smile that says ‘I know I’m hot’. He’s a great choice for you Ben! Plus, he has a cool short and sweet name, RJT. Chicks dig that…but I think you’d know that wouldn’t you? Since you call yourself Ben.
You’d think I’m joking with this pick, Ben, but I’m not! Hear me out bro! Masagos is the man. He doesn’t have the traditionally yandao looks like the others, but he’s geek chic! He’s dorky looking, which is endearing to women. You want to endear yourself right Ben? You bet you do!
There you go Ben, that’s 6 choices I meticulously went and picked out for you! These MPs (and NMP) are the cream of the crop! Only the best of the best made the cut, so if you want to continue assuming somebody else’s identity, you pick these handsome men.
Wait, you also want to appear as a woman? I have you covered bro!
Sweet, demure and innocent. The words you’ll probably associate with Sun Xueling based on initial impressions of this image. That’s the words that the people you want to swipe right on your ‘fake’ profile to have too! Pure win!
On the other hand, if you’re going for a more mature, career lady look, Josephine’s lovely picture is what you’re going to want. The professional hairdo screams power but the soft smile says she’s also caring. Exactly the image you want to draw people in with Ben.
A more sophisticated mature woman you say? You got it Ben. Presenting Sylvia Lim, warm disarming smile, but not one without allure and mystery!
Finally, if you might want to tap into the minorities too! So Rahayu’s a good choice! Innocent smile, wears the hijab and very non-threatening so she’s not going to be scaring anybody off!
It’s all up to you now Ben! Be the best imposter you can be! I believe in you!